


Bury You In It

by alizarin_nyc



Category: Angel - Fandom
Genre: F/M, alizarin's angel fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-08-23
Updated: 2005-08-23
Packaged: 2017-10-11 22:41:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/117942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alizarin_nyc/pseuds/alizarin_nyc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a regular day in a couple of dead girls' lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bury You In It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zandra_x](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=zandra_x).



> This was written for the "I Will Remember You" ficathon, asking _what happened to other people on the day that Angel took back?_

**Title: Bury You In It**  
  
 _"It happens to people sometimes that way: sudden and unbearable memories, especially when they are associated with shame, usually hold them, for a moment, in place."_  
From DOSTOYEVSKY'S "THE IDIOT"

  
Lilah's afterlife was no picnic.

She was at the beck and call of Wolfram and Hart, running their little errands, yet not able to reap the benefits of real employment with the world's foremost evil law firm. She supposed that life after death could be construed as a benefit, but every time she looked at herself in the mirror, at the long, ugly scar where her lover had cut off her head, the tiny crows feet that would never disappear or deepen, she felt something she might have called despair.

But the living dead did not despair, unless they were Angel, of course. And he was downright cheerful compared to Lilah these days. But the Senior Partners would wipe that smirk right off his smug, handsome face. Lilah was counting on it. They'd yank his swank leather chair right out from under him and let the real sunlight in to scorch him out of the L.A. offices – _her_ offices.

She ruminated on her grievances every night, alone in her apartment, not needing much in the way of regular sleep. That's why the small sound of a bell, alerting her to an other-worldly presence, was a welcome relief. It was, however, a great surprise to turn around and see Cordelia Chase standing in her living room.

"Well, well, dead is _so_ not your season, who knew?" Cordy said, spinning on her own stylish stilettos and letting a gorgeous low-cut ethereal blue dress swim around her legs.

"Dead," Lilah said. "You too? Angel must be broodier than ever, having failed at last to save his best friend."

"We had closure," Cordy waved her hand in the air as she spoke. "If you know what I mean."

"Oh." Lilah felt a twinge of jealousy, which was odd, really. She also felt left out of the loop. No one had seen fit to inform her that Cordy had died.

"Wait, you're dead, but you didn't sign up for the Wolfram and Hart after-party, so what gives? No rest for the righteous?" She formed an icy smile she didn't feel.

"Oh, I'm not a ghost." Cordy bent over and picked up a small glass vase from Lilah's coffee table to prove her corporeality. "Much more than that, really. And definitely not a Wolfram and Hart _zombie_ …

"Hey! I'm not a zombie. Why can't anyone get that?"

"Oh get over it. Let's face it. You're a horror movie. Just because you don't eat brains and aren't lying in a satin-lined box doesn't mean you aren't gruesome."

"Jesus!" Lilah snapped. "Did you materialize in here just to exchange insults? Because I'm kind of tired right now and not really in the mood."

"Well," sniffed Cordy, looking around the empty apartment. "I thought you might like a nice visit from someone, but I'll get to the point then, shall I?"

"Dear god, please do."

"Now that I'm all-seeing, almost all-knowing, you know, basically god-like in my return to being one of _The Powers_ ," here Cordy threw in some air quotes for good measure, "I find I'm missing something."

"The love of a good vampire?" Lilah drawled.

"No, got that. Did I mention that? Oh yes. No, what I mean is, there's a memory missing from my life and I need you to help me reconstruct it."

"I don't see how I can help you, or why you even care about a memory now," Lilah said. She stalked over to the couch and sank down on it. Cordelia Chase, a Power That Be. Didn't that beat all. She felt so tired, and just wanted to take off her shoes, lie down and brood. She couldn't remember the last time the Senior Partners had called her for something. She was sure it hadn't been that long, but then again, time seemed to have no meaning in her apartment anymore, and she didn't go out unless there was an errand to be done. She suspected she wouldn't physically be able to leave her apartment, even if she had the energy to try. She suspected she was a tiny bit of a prisoner, encased in solid, iron-clad standard perpetuity.

"I care because I care," Cordy said. "It's mine and I want it, and I want to see what it is and why it's there yet not."

"You're making no sense," Lilah said.

"Oh, just shut up and listen. There was a day, way back when, and I have two memories of it, like overlapping photo negatives that make one of those weird pictures. One on top of the other. Only I can't see the one underneath, that happened first. But you're in it, and if we do this meditation thingy, we can both see it. Mystery solved."

"How long ago?" Lilah asked.

"Almost five years, well, four and something."

"We didn't know each other then."

"I know. That's why I'm so intrigued," Cordy sat down on the couch beside Lilah. "What could we have shared, what could we have had to say to each other at that point in time? Aren't you curious?"

"Not in the least," Lilah replied. And even though she was a little curious, she just couldn't see the relevance. Was this some weird trick of Cordelia's or Angel's to get her to give them access to her brain? Why was she so damn tired right now? She rubbed her eyes and Cordy's blue dress swam in front of her, her pink lipstick grew fuzzy and Lilah said, "What's going on?" before she blacked out.

***

Lilah was seated on the couch in Lindsay's corner office, crossing and re-crossing her legs. It wasn't alleviating her nervousness, and since Lindsey had seated himself right next to her, he helped himself to an eyeful, and then, another eyeful.

"Well, darlin' you've made your bed, and now you have to lie in it," he said. "Or lie in mine as the case may be."

She wanted so badly to scoot away from him, to get up and flounce out of his office, but she wasn't sure just how much she could push Lindsay. She wasn't sure how much power he had. And since he'd told her that he'd put in more than a good word for her with Holland Manners, she was willing to bet that he had something she could use.

"Noticed how this morning, you were singled out for a special assignment?" Lindsey asked softly, putting a fingertip on her knee, right in the hollow where the joint dipped, and letting it trail along her thigh.

"Yes," Lilah said. She had to get through this, somehow, and this morning had been special. It seemed that Lindsay could make good on his promises and now she was here to "seal the deal." She knew what that meant. She could be a good girl to get what she wanted.

"Good," Lindsay stood, pressing one hand to her shoulder so she didn't get up. "We're clear then," he said as he moved to stand in front of her.

"Cristal," she said. And as Lindsey straddled her thighs, she really wished for a drink.

He took his time. Once he'd pressed her legs together in between his and loomed over her, he traced her face with a finger. He had a victory smirk already on his face and he was letting Lilah know who was in charge. She tried very hard to mask her hatred. It wouldn't do now to let it show how much she hated him, his stupid cowboy accent, his funky cologne, his smug, smarmy ways that everyone in the office let him get away with as if he were the most charming man on earth. Plus, he was short and Lilah hated short men.

He was a fake, a fraud. But right now, he had Lilah, and he knew it. She felt her skin get hot as he swung his crotch nearer to her face. Some said she had a Daddy complex, a pimp problem. So what, she liked power. Now that Lindsey was showing what he had, she couldn't help but be turned on. So when he unzipped his fly, she was already enjoying herself; in the moment and also thinking of her future. When she tried to hike her skirt up and get a hand in, he gripped her wrist and shook his head. With his other hand he gently pulled her hair and pushed his cock to the back of her throat.

The funky cologne was almost too much, but Lilah kept her mind on her imminent promotion and rise to the top of the firm. Who knew, someday, she might be commanding Lindsey to go down on his knees for her, and she would _really_ enjoy that. Lindsey was staring down at her with those beady blue eyes of his and his lips were swollen as he bit them, thrusting harder, pulling more, releasing her wrist so she could stroke his balls. He moaned when he came, but at least he didn't speak in his stupid cowboy voice.

Lilah wiped her mouth and straightened her skirt. She looked at him, the look of the fearful young woman was gone from her eyes. There was lust and distaste, and Lindsey looked away.

"That was good, baby," Lilah said, attempting a sotto voce purr.

"Good," Lindsey agreed. "But not great." Lilah's mouth dropped open again. "And so I don't feel quite so bad telling you that I haven't said shit about you to Holland Manners. Don't plan to, either. You'll rise or fall on your own." He turned a very wicked grin on her. "He did, however, ask me if you were an easy slut, and I told him I'd find out." The smile spread across his face like a virus. Almost charming, Lilah thought.

"What… what the fuck…" she began.

"Now, get out. Oh and good luck."

\- - -

Two women stood at the makeup counter, each one vying for the sales girl's attention. Lilah Morgan wanted Steel Bleu, Cordelia Chase wanted Golder than Green. The sales girl wanted to take a personal phone call.

Lilah was rubbing at her eyes, getting mascara all over her fingers. She'd teared up and felt a hot shame over letting that happen. The young girl with the long, dark hair and the ridiculously short cropped top was looking at her sympathetically.

"Ever have a day you wish you could just wipe off the books altogether?"

"Huh. _Yeah_ ," Cordy said, picking up a few Kleenex and offering them to the sad woman wearing nerdy corporate wear. She did have nice shoes. "I don't make wishes anymore, though."

"I've had one of those days," Lilah said. "A real I-wish-I-could-take-it-back day."

"And never remember the humiliation, the horror, the… the _horror_ ," Cordy said, thinking of a few days she'd had back in Sunnydale.

"Exactly. Um, hi. I'm Lilah," Lilah said, offering her hand.

"Cordelia Chase," Cordy said competently. "Of Angel Investigations. Which is probably not going to last for very much longer, seeing as how things are going today."

"Angel Investigations?" Lilah couldn't believe her ears. "My firm has a strong interest in the detective who runs that agency."

"Really?" Cordy looked skeptical. "What kind of law firm is it?"

"Oh, an evil law firm. Your boss is a vampire, right?"

"Ye-es," Cordy said. "What kind of evil law firm is interested in Angel?"

"Well, it's a long story, but my boss really wants to get to know Angel. And this guy, he's a real jackass, let me tell you…"

"Yeah, yeah," Cordy said. "But what does he want with MY boss?"

Lilah looked at Cordy for a long moment. She thought about Lindsey and about Holland Manners. She looked back at her own reflection in the mirror on the counter; the mascara tracks still in place on each cheek. She could still taste Lindsey, smell his bad cologne. She was wearing a grey pencil skirt and this girl in front of her was wearing bright colors and smiling and felt loyalty to her boss.

Something in Lilah gave way. The eye pencil in her hand snapped.

"You look like you could use a drink, girl," Cordy said, reaching out for Lilah's arm as the woman swayed. "Sangria, stat. You're just lucky I have the day off and my co-worker's already got his nose in a Guinness. Let's go."

She steered Lilah away from the counter and headed down the mall to the Mexican place. "Hey you've gotta pay for that!" The salesgirl yelled after them.

After a few sangrias, a plate of nachos and two Cadillac margaritas, straight up, with salt, Lilah was spilling the beans, so to speak. Cordy was a very attentive listener when it had to do with the evil intrigue and Lilah offered it, in spades.

The song in the background of the restaurant played over and over again, and Lilah felt herself humming along, making up words since she didn't know any Spanish.

"Shakira!" Cordy said, showing more enthusiasm than Lilah would have though proper. "Estoy aqui, that's like 'here I am,' in Spanish, you know," she said, spreading her arms out. "It's like a battle cry or something."

"Okay then," Lilah said, and smiled.

 _Estoy aquí queriéndote, ahogándome entre fotos y cuadernos  
Entre cosas y recuerdos que no puedo comprender.  
Estoy enloqueciéndome..._

As the two settled their bill, Cordy invited Lilah over to Angel Investigations, to meet her boss. She swore up and down that he was a complete gentleman who was also handsome, powerful and sexy. Cordy was thinking how Angel would be so pleased with her for recruiting someone with law experience to their side, who could also dish so much dirt on all the evil, evil doings in Los Angeles.

Lilah was rehearsing her resignation speech for the following morning, when she'd deliver it to Holland Manners. Angel probably couldn't pay her much, but if he was all that Wolfram and Hart had made him out to be, he'd be needing a lawyer and with her help, he could give them a run for their money.

She was so looking forward to going head-to-head with Wolfram and Hart.

As she exited the mall, and she and Cordy strolled along the Santa Monica Promenade to walk off their buzz, Lilah felt something good inside. Something new. The sun slowly sank into the Pacific and Cordy's laugh made people turn and stare at them; the coiffed corporate lawyer and the saucy sex-kitten on her arm, and Lilah felt like she was laughing too…

***

A strong sharp smell brought her to her senses and she was laughing, but it was a hollow sound, like a dry retch. Cordy had blown out her candle and was waving away the smoke, snapping her fingers and shouting her name.

"What was that?"

"Our memory," Cordy said.

"I don't think so," Lilah said, the edge coming back into her voice. "You and me… just… you and me. How much no is there in _no fucking way_?"

"There's a lotta _no_ , Lilah, but that's the memory. That's the memory and now I know where it went and why."

"So why?"

"Angel," Cordy said simply. "Something he needed other people to forget, something only he could remember. He had to start the day over."

"Big wow. Angel and his angst. Color me surprised. Can you leave now?" Lilah's head was pounding, the smoke still hung acrid in the air. The smell of something burning.

"Sure, I got what I came for," Cordy said. She seemed troubled. "But you do realize what this means, don't you?"

"That I actually put my lips on Lindsey's… ugh," Lilah shuddered.

"Well, that was a little weird, even for me," Cordy admitted. "But no, I was thinking more of the road not taken. If Angel hadn't changed that day, you would have gone all white hat. How weird is that? You were going to be my friend, we were going to fight Wolfram and Hart together, you were going to come and work for Angel."

"Just as distasteful as Lindsey's spunk," Lilah commented. "And now I know why I always kind of liked that stupid Shakira song. So strange." She shook her head slowly.

" _Angel_ screwed you in the end, Lilah. By taking that day away from you, he took away your last chance to choose the right way at that fork in the road. As it happened, the fork never appeared, and you went your own way."

"And what if I wanted it that way?" Lilah lifted her head and saw Cordy standing by the window, the haze of an L.A. night hanging outside. "What if I don't care?"

"But you do care." Cordy peered out into the dimness, the lights winking back at her. Lilah heard the faint sound of a bell in the distance. "Don't you?"

"Yes," Lilah said. "So, I do, okay. But why do I?"

"That's what makes it hell, sweetie."

"Hell." Lilah nodded. "Right."

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  Lyrics in English:  
> "Here I am wanting you, drowning between photos and notebooks  
> Between things and memories that I cannot understand.  
> I am going crazy."  
> 


End file.
